intro?
usually i am v performative and that makes me mask what i want to write - or i write what i think people want to hear
i am feeling flat at the moment
lots of things happening, lots of thoughts - but fast thoughts, not slow thoughts
slow thoughts are good, but boring, fast thoughts are commonplace but lack cohesion
fast thoughts want to do everything, even when there is no time, or there are bigger priorities
or the world in general is just full of people who like bashing themselves against walls instead of finding ways to dismantle them
i see myself as a progressive leftist, but for some reason i feel like leftists are almost coming full circle into anti-intellectualist conservatives
gatekeeping your understanding of the world and the people in it, is a very conservative mindset, and a worrying one to see amongst leftist politically aligned individuals
i want to know why about everything, what makes people do the things they do, and why they think the way they think
i think the world is a simple place with complex systems, and this mash of simple and complex makes people think everything is harder and more unforgivnig and evil - when in reality it's simple and stupid
take musk for an example, vain rich asshole - but at the core i don't think he was given much love as a child - and instead developed a complex where having money makes you likeable - and now that this doesn't seem to be the case, he doesn't know what to do except lash out
i am morbidly curious about horrific crimes and the people that perpertrate them - i find the act of causing pain in another abhorrent, but am fascinated with those who are able
that isn't to say that inflicting pain is not something i have not thought about - i am human, and sometimes emotions are strong and the path to feeling satisfied is to inflict onto others what you have felt or seen people you care about feel
alas - i find all this curious
i think the world can be a good place, full of good people, but we chaste those who don't understand - who haven't been taught or guided before
the path for so many towards the right is a sense of belonging, which the right preys on
and left leaning people get drawn into that trap, pushing more people away - and it hurts my soul to see
so much fear and uncertainty - i feel like scp-049, the plague doctor who must cure "it" - without knowing what it is